> While you say you're supposedly the one supporting your mother in this, the reality is that your posts do not mention your mother's needs at all. In reality, they should be considered to the absolute and utter exclusion of your own.
>
> You have to consider what's right for your Mom to do, regardless of any impact whatsoever to your own self....
>
> But when it comes to deciding how to put that family together in the first place, it's gotta be all about the parents.

You make good points throughout the post, Sam.

But when one is considering adoption, shouldn't the main concern be the new child? Not the parents' wants first, not the current kids' wants first, but the health and happiness of the new kid first.

Right now zK's home isn't guaranteed to be stable and it probably won't be for awhile -- both zK and his mother are adjusting to a totally new family situation and a totally new location. New school, financial stability -- they have a LOT to adjust to, and so they aren't really going to be able to give the proper attention to the new kid, who's probably already had to adjust to more than their fair share of new situations in their life.

Whether zK wants to be a big brother and when, whether his mom wants a child to care for or whatever other reason she'd choose to adopt -- those are all self-centered concerns and should be put aside if it's obvious their environment may not be the best for a new kid right now. In time, maybe, but right now doesn't seem like the time. Both zK and his mother need to focus on *themselves* and *each other* right now. It wouldn't be the best time for any of them.

All the same, zK, I'm sorry you've been going through an awful lot lately -- I hope things look up soon.

Ria