> Now that the holiday season is upon us, i feel it a proper time for anyone to share any funny, remarkable, intersting, entertaining, or inspirational Christmas stories he might have.

All right. Here is the story of The Little Vine That Could, as related to Cynthia on AIM earlier today.

Once upon a time, about a week ago, I was sitting on my back doorstep catching some rays and smelling the warm dark smell of subtropical fern forest on an early summer day, mixed with the heady odours of honeysuckle and other stuff I can't identify, which has taken over most of my backyard because I prefer wild tangled-up nature to mowed and nicely arranged, plus I'm lazy, when ... [checks beginning of sentence] ... I noticed a small tendril of creeper which had somehow found a way up through my floorboards in the corner near the back door.

It had obviously originated someplace under the house. Either it was spectacularly stupid even for a plant, or (because this is meant to be an inspirational Christmas story, after all) it lived with hope in its heart, or more likely in its chloroplasts. Instead of taking the easy road sideways, to emerge into the sunlight a few metres away under the back deck, this dear little creature opted to grow vertically through the foundations of the house, force its way through several layers of wood and concrete, and ultimately burst triumphantly forth through a miniscule crack in my polished wooden floorboards into my living room.

So I ripped it out and threw it away.

Ha ha, just kidding. No, I left it there, because this is only a rented house and I was interested in seeing how long it would grow, and whether I could get it to trail up one wall. I thought it would be really cool to have one wall of the living room covered in flowering vines.

At the time of writing, it is about as long as my arm and is steadily continuing its progress towards the TV, which is located halfway along that wall. Perhaps there is a nature documentary it wants to watch. It is a very pretty little vine, as vines go. It has delicate little curling fronds, and is a light spring-green shade.

If it is still with us in a few more weeks I will stick some little gold stars on it and then people will not be able to poke fun at me for not bothering to get a Christmas tree.

Brunnen-"you may now add your own heartwarming moral, because I can't think of one"G