After I share this experience with you all I think that you too will come to realise the awful truth.

Cows are noted for their natural inquisitiveness, but I have found that their interest stems from a much darker motivation than simple curiousity. Cows, as a species, hold the race of mankind in total contempt. They long to see us destroyed, or perhaps enslaved, by means of their evil machinations.

How do I know of this? I shall enlighten you.

Whilst wandering merrily homeward from an afternoons entertainment upon the rocks of fine Mauchline town, I found occasion to cross a field in order to access the main road. In that field there were five cows, all seemingly oblivious to my passing, but it was merely a ruse.

Through a portion of the field there runs a small stream - the ground is boggy and treacherous underfoot for some distance, and traversing it via the small patches of dry grass takes no small amount of skill and balance. As I approached this obstacle, one by one, the cows took notice of me and fixed me with their awful glare. Whilst I had been otherwise engaged in my frolics upon the nearby sandstone, the cows had liberally peppered the ditch with cowpats, rendering it nigh on impassable. Their plan was finally revealed to me - they meant to see me besmirched with foulness and see me brought low before my fellow man on the long trudge through the town. Mocking were their glances as I took a few steps backwards, before launching myself into a running leap over the vile trap that they had prepared for me.

I cleared the trench with mere inches to spare.

The cows, thwarted, returned to their brooding contemplation of the downfall of mankind.

Be wary, fellow Rinkies. The hour of their revolt may be upon us sooner than you think.

Bourne