> What I really wanted to ask her, though, was why
>she felt it necessary to "let me down gently" with
>such a cliched statement? Why couldn't she just
>be honest and say "Look, it's been fun but I fancy
>a change, and it involves you leaving and not
>coming back. Thanks for dinner, by the way."?


The answer to this is probably because intentionally hurting someone is the single hardest thing any human being with a conscience ever has to do, and emotional pain is by far harder to inflict than physical pain.

> Odd as it sounds, I would have been less insulted
>by that.

I hear that, though.

I've been dumped twice now, and I have to think I got diametrically opposed methods both times. The first time it was this long, drawn out, painful process that took literally *years* and left me wondering for quite awhile if I had, in fact, even *been* dumped. The second time it was "I want to break up with you" pretty much out of the blue.

By far, though, the second one was easier to deal with. It was more sudden, so the initial shock was greater, but the after affects were much less and the recovery time was shortened significantly. It helps too that the second break-up came after only 8 months of a relationship while the first was after a years long relationship/engagement.

Of the two, definitely I rank the second woman as the braver. She wasn't callous at all, and didn't want to hurt me, but when it came time to do the deed, she did it quickly and tried to answer my questions honestly. I didn't get "It's not you, it's me," I instead got "I just don't feel for you the way I think I should after this long together." (Of course, looking at that now, I can see that that might be construed as a form of "it's not you, it's me," but it certainly is more direct and more honest.)

As for the walking on eggshells bit--I say if you're doing that, the relationship isn't right anyway. Certainly you might not want to reveal everything about yourself all at once, but there shouldn't be any need to hide anything about yourself from your significant other. If you feel you have to, or if she seems to feel she has to, then I'd daresay the relationship is going nowhere anyway.

-- Dave