Sometimes I wonder if the Edgar Rice Burroughs Foundation ever says, "No." Tarzan In Manhattan is one of the worst of all the dozens of Tarzan films made since 1918. To give you an idea of how brainless it is, let's just say that there's a scene where Cheetah drives a police car. To give you an idea of what it does to the Tarzan legend, let's just say that Jane is now a New York cab driver with a Brooklyn accent.

This made-for-TV production was intended to be a series pilot, which explains Tarzan's otherwise inexplicable decision at the end. The series never got off the ground, but star Joe Lara would return seven years later in a more sensible and traditional series, Tarzan: The Epic Adventures.

While arguably not the worst Tarzan film, this may be the most banal. Even royal duds like Tarzan's Revenge and the Bo Derek version of Tarzan, the Ape Man had character (at times) if nothing else. This, however, is no more distinguished than a formula TV crime drama. Not even the presence of Tony Curtis -- and why he deigned to appear in this, I do not know -- can save it.