Main      Site Guide    
At-A-Glance Film Reviews

Carnosaur (1993)



Reviews and Comments

"I hate wildlife."

You can't see the zipper, but you can hear the motor running inside this cheesy dinosaur beast. As if gratuitous blood and gore wasn't enough, this film presumes to have a plot -- which is both ludicrous and incomprehensible. The best part of this movie is its accuracy with regard to science. For instance, if you want create a new species by mixing the DNA of humans and dinosaurs -- simply feed a human being to a dinosaur, of course! Throw in some subtitles that read things like "Infected Cells Per Billion: 14%", and the Discovery channel will be begging you for the television rights.

Guest Reviewer: Dave Parker:

There are a few sure-fire ways a prospective producer or director can figure out before ever commiting a single scene to celluloid if the movie they are making will be a stinker. Here is a questionnaire every film maker should be required to fill out before shooting begins on a movie:

  1. Have you hired a professional wrestler to act in a starring role?
  2. Is your movie based on a work by Stephen King?
  3. Is your name Joe Eszterhas?
  4. Are you shamelessly ripping off another movie that recently made a bundle?

Answering "yes" to any one of these questions should be enough to make any film maker realize that their movie isn't one that should be started, let alone finished and released on an unsuspecting public.

Carnosaur manages to make it all the way to question 4 before failing my test. Unfortunately, the people who made this pile of crap never took my test, or I would never have been subjected to it.

Series Entries