> Sorry, I usually don't get like this with you guys. Forgive me for putting my burdens on you, but I need some help. I can't live like this.

There is nothing to forgive. Like Sara said, this is why we call ourselves a community, for happy times but also for times like this.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need - NEED - to get professional help. Even if you have the strength to fight them off, you should not have to live your life that way.

God will be with you. Depression can make thoughts like this easier to ignore, since you're so focused on the dark. But no matter how dark it gets, no matter how many times your path seems to lead to nowhere... He has you in the palm of his hand and will never, ever drop you.