An ad just appeared on my monitor. It said that if it was flashing, I was a winner. It wasn't flashing. That must be a first.

I just looked at my calendar and Hanukkah is only a week away.

Why does that silly voice keep saying "Mail truck!" when there is no mail? Also no truck.

When was the last time you saw a perculator?

The meaning of the word "camping" has changed. It used to mean canvas, wooden stakes, open fires, pit toilets, swimming in the creek, and walking through the woods or on the beach. Now it means an air-conditioned motor home plus TV, VCR, DVD, ISP, XBOX, a dirt bike, a heated pool and hot tub.

I heard about a lady recently who was terrified by a trip to a mountain top. She went up in a car, on a paved road, and looked at the view from a parking lot. She was scared stiff the whole time. Can't understand that. Like a lot of people, I am uncomfortable in high places, if I can look straight down at something far below. Tall buildings make me nervous. But on a mountain, you are right on the ground, and if you can see places far below, you usually aren't looking straight down. A mountain top is still solid earth. I can stand at Newfound Gap and look out at Tennessee in one direction and North Carolina in the other direction and never think about the elevation. In a tall building, there is always the possibility of falling, but if you fall on a mountain top you will land right where you were standing. It might be a good idea to stay away from cliffs if you fall a lot.

I saw a toddler on TV who went to sleep while waiting in line for four hours to get a flu shot.
Four hours! Chances are the flu wouldn't be much worse than that.

Two angels with big white wings were sitting on a cloud. "How did you get here?" says one. "Flu," says the other.

If the war is over, why are we still getting daily casuality reports?
Howard