For the first time in many ages, I'm not voting in the Reader
Poll. My friend Mark (we'll call him Mark, anyway, for
privacy's sake) would probably vote, but I don't know what
he'd pick. Raised in Queens, Mark has a deep loyalty to the
Yankees. But now, living in Southwest Florida, he's been
assimilated into Marlin fandom. Every night prior to the
World Series, Mark would come over to my apartment after
the latest game and announce the winner. Well, more like
he would scream and jump around and high-five me and all
my friends if one of his teams won -- and mope around
with cheeks sagging to his knees if one of his teams lost.
Everything to the extreme; there is no middle ground. Mark
has ADD.

So then there's me. I don't care about baseball. I think it's a
really nifty sport, to be sure, but I don't give a monkey's
eyelash about any of the current players or teams. I didn't
even know when the world series WAS until I met Mark.
Since then, I've only come to wish I never learned. Mark is
on a mission, I think, to make me into a fan. Why this is so,
I have no idea, but I really wish he would just leave me
alone about it. Now that the World Series has come, Mark's
moved into my living room, the television tuned every night
to the program I least want to watch.

Baseball is a thrilling sport interrupted by long periods of
boredom. Its pace is just too slow for me. But by the nature
of the game, you have to keep watching even through the
boring parts because it might get exciting again at any
moment. If you go into the kitchen for a snack, you might
miss something incredible, heaven forbid. Fortunately,
Mark will not permit me to go into the kitchen. And thus, I
don't miss a single bloody thing.

I don't want the Yankees to win. I don't the Marlins to win.
But most of all, I don't want Mark to win. Baseball has never
been "my" sport, and with any luck (and some skillful
avoidance of my hyperactive friend), it never will be. But
this is not an option on the current Reader Poll. And so for
the first time in many ages, I will not be voting.

-useless"Strike three, may I please be out now?"ness