I understand how you feel completely. I am currently seperated from my husband of only 1 year, although we have been together for 2. It is so difficult. One minute, you never want to see them again because you are upset, or hate them, or they have done something terrible, or broken a promise, or any number of things. Then a few hours, or a few days later when your emotions calm down, you find yourselt lonely and pining for them. Half the time you talk to them, you remember why you fell in love with the person, and why you have a good thing together. The other half, you remember the exact reasons you don't want anything to do with them. You don't have the entire story, new evidence and new opinions are popping up everyday. You feel mixed up in every way that can be.

There is no easy answer, a divorce is painful and sad. You cannot control how the other individual acts, and they can and will say things that are painful. You CAN control how you react to them. It isn't wrong to be hurt, and to feel sad. It is very wrong, though, to reciprocate. The best thing, in my opinion is to tell the other person you are upset and that what they did hurt. Most people will feel bad, and atleast try to make amends. What you need to do during the seperation is determine whether the relationship is worth saving. Next, determine what changes and apologies need to happen. And then very carefully decide if you AND your spouse are willing to do that. Saving a marraige isn't something one person can singlehandedly do. Both partners need to work at it. If one party won't, then it's not worth the heartache.

Remember always to give the other person space to think, and always be honest. Be up front with your feelings, and really try to understand where the other person in coming from. Explain to your children what is going on, and have the kindness never to fight in front of them. If you do split up, never let the kids feel like they are a pawn between you two, and that they are loved. Sometimes that is impossible, but try your hardest. Don't stay in a tumoltous relationship for the children, they can sense trouble, and it makes them upset.

If you ever make a mistake, make amends, and use it as a learning experience. Don't be afraid to cry, it happens. Just don't let sadness consume your life. Remember that there is always someone to talk to. Always. I gaurantee it. There is always hope, and there is always someone that loves you. Don't try to escape from a problem, try your darndest to confront it a solve it. Some problems have to simmer for a while, and some need immediate action. Use your best judgement.

One thing that I have found helps a TON, is helping other people. Especially when you have the human contact. Going to an old folks home to read, or going to the elementary school to help kindegardeners paint. .. trust me, seeing someone else happy, reminds you that happiness does exist.

Try marraige counseling, go in with an open heart. Use your brain, though, and try to make the best decision. If you do split, work on being a complete person. After spending so long with someone, your image of self is very closely intertwined with the other person. Get a new hobby, do things that interest you, do the things you have always wanted to do, but couldn't.

I don't know if I have said anything that will help you, but I hope even just one thing helps. When this is happening, even one thing makes the world of difference, trust me.

Tess