A conversation I had recently with some
"off-line" friends of mine, in combination with
several recent threads got me thinking about
something.

I propose that humanity is, deep down, a
selfish race. Some individuals are without a
doubt more altruistic than others, but I believe
that at least a grain of selfishness is
embedded in the psyche of each and every
human being.

Somehow, the majority of humanity manages
to suppress this deep-rooted selfishness,
and we have this thing called "civilization."
People in general abide by written rules of
civilization called "laws" (those who don't are
called "criminals"), and they also abide by
*unwritten* rules of civility.

Yesterday while I was out getting lunch, I had
to use a drive-up ATM machine to get some
cash, but I was on foot. A woman drove up in
her SUV before I got there, so I stood a short
distance behind her car, waiting my turn. She
took some time, and while I waited I started
thinking, "what would I do if somebody in a car
barged past me and used the ATM in front of
me?" I'd probably have been angry and
murmered some unkind things about that
person's character under my breath, and
perhaps have given that person some dirty
looks, but being who I am that would have
been the extent of my outrage. I tend to go out
of my way to avoid confrontation.

Fortunately, nothing of the sort happened; the
SUV in front of me drove off and I walked up to
the ATM and got my money. Someone in a car
did pull up behind me while I was using the
machine, but they politely kept their distance,
waiting their turn. And I thought, what keeps
people from just doing whatever they want,
whenever they want? What keeps "might
makes right" from becoming our everyday
philosophy? Civilization, I suppose. We
suppress our selfish nature for the good of all.

But it expresses itself in other ways. Everybody
still wants their own way; their own happiness,
but not at the expense of breaking those
unwritten rules and being looked down on by
society. So instead we manipulate. Maybe with
subtlety; maybe we don't even realize we're
doing it, but we find methods to coerce others
into doing what we want.

It's "the gang" in high school exerting peer
pressure to get the one kid with principles to
go along. It's the wife giving her husband the
cold shoulder because he forgot their
anniversary. It's the coworker turning up the
volume on his radio a little higher than
everybody else because he likes his station
the best. It's the mother refusing to praise her
daughter's accomplishment because she
wants her to choose a different boyfriend, or
college major, or wedding dress.

Is manipulation always wrong? Could it not be
used for good purpose? I don't know... it
seems to me that the whole concept of it is for
personal gain. Certainly, the case could be
made that the husband *deserves* to be
snubbed by his wife for treating her ill, but
wouldn't their relationship be better off if she
communicated with him; told him her feelings
and gave him the opportunity to make it right?
(No, I'm not posting this because I forgot my
wife's anniversary; it's just an example.) I lean
toward thinking that manipulation *is* always
wrong.

Of course I'm not so cynical as to think that
everyone tries to manipulate those around
them all the time. In fact I believe that most of
it is done unconsciously, and I do believe that
there are people around who are
characterized more by their selflessness than
their selfishness. I wish I were one of them.

Grishny