How to start this? Perhaps with a confession/explanation as to my motivation for this post.

I very recently sent a worried e-mail to a friend, that basically said, “Where the heck have you been? And why haven’t you answered my e-mails?” In retrospect, it was a pretty foolish thing to do. It was precipitated by a very short period of time during which this person, who is very conscientious about answering e-mails, left mine unanswered in an in-box. It was also precipitated by a conversation with another person, whose judgement I trust, who was also worried about exactly the same situation.

It turned out, of course, that the person who hadn’t answered was just too busy “IRL” to answer any e-mails for a few days. And this brings me to the crux of my question.

Why is it that when someone with whom you speak and correspond via the net is absent for a period of time, it is noticed so quickly? It’s definitely reciprocal: I’m to the point where I feel better if I give close internet friends a heads up about planned absences, so they don’t wonder about me. In real life, I have friends with whom I don’t speak for months at a time, and this never causes a qualm.

What is it about this type of communication (e.g. online) that fosters this? I really don’t believe the argument that the net creates a “false” sense of intimacy or friendship: the person about who I was worried is someone I consider a good friend, and I don’t regret what I did. I feel a little sheepish, but I would have felt worse if I’d ignored the fact they hadn’t answered me, and it had turned out something was wrong.

So, experienced online communicators: what’s the etiquette (“netiquette”?) for this sort of situation? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

te "worrywart" ach