As I haven't seen any comments about the new Lord of the Rings movie on this message forum, I thought I'd start the first topic about it.

The rabid Tolkin fanatics will be the first to tell you how amazing the movie version of T3 is. How amazing Peter Jackson made the world of Middle Earth. How the story was amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. Well, it's sort of true. I mean, it's not like you could really mess up The Twin Towers. After all, nothing at all happens in the book.

The Lord of the Rings is all about Sam and Frodo walking across Middle Earth to throw some ring into a volcano. The whole first movie? They travel a few thousand miles and don't get there. (This despite several shots in the movie that make Middle Earth out to be no larger than, oh, Nebraska.) This movie? They travel about twenty miles and still they aren't there. Instead of just finishing up the movie and actually having the hobbits get to the stupid mountain and throw away the brass ring of doom, they keep cutting to the other characters that started off with Sam and Frodo but left. Well, here's all you need to know: The elf is all prancy, the dwarf is all sullen, and the human is all broody. Oh yeah, while I'm talking about the human, what ever happened to the other human person, Boromir? He was all over the first movie but this movie he hardly wasn't in it at all. In fact, I can't remember a single scene with Boromir. C'mon! He was a main member of the group in the first movie and they just forget all about his character in the second movie? I'll bet you it was one of those money deals like Keanu Reeves in Speed 2. At least they explained why Keanu wasn't in Speed 2.

Oh yeah, the other non-hobbits (aside from Boromir!) were chasing after the Comic Relief Hobbits, Merrin and Pepsin. Of course this means that the main characters -- Sam and Frodo (remember them?) were stuck without comic relief, so the filmmakers decided that something was needed so they STOLE NOBBY THE HOUSE ELF directly from Harry Potter and the Secret Chambers and put him RIGHT INTO THIS MOVIE. I heard that they were going to have a big scene where Ron and Frodo run away from a huge spider, but they had to change it at the last minute because they didn't want to be to obvious about stealing from the Harry Potter movie. Personally, I'm really incensed about them not having the spider scene. I only plan on buying two versions of The Twin Towers when they come out on DVD.

Speaking of, the towers really aren't that twinnish. They were towers, sure. And they did both had some spikey bits. But the one with Saruman (Ornithoc or something) was much thinner than the other one. For futher proof that the towers weren't twins, I just would like to point out that the other one was on a mountain and this one wasn't! Ha!

So what happens? Not much. Sam and Frodo walk part of the way to the volcano. The others run around. A gratuitous fight scene was placed at the end. (Where were the explosions? HUH?) They managed to write Liv Tyler into the movie again. People meet each other again. But then we look back at Sam and Frodo who are still walking towards the volcano! HEY REMEMBER THIS? THE WHOLE POINT OF THE MOVIE? Geez.

Whups. Look at the time. Gotta go see it again.

-FP