> Because look, here's somebody who agrees with me that it's silly to avoid splitting an infinitive when the alternative is clunky and dumb sounding.

When I was at school, I had an English teacher who gave us what I think is the best guideline for "correct" language usage in prose writing (fiction or non-fiction). She said that in writing, there are three stages of competency. The first is what she called untrained or semi-literate writing, without any regard for clarity, grammar or anything else -- people just spew their thoughts onto paper (or into text; go on, try to convince me this isn't the normal level of competency on the Internet). This is how most people start writing, and they will stay at this level their whole lives unless they are taught how to write with clarity, or pick it up instinctively from reading a wide range of good writing.

The second stage is when the writer knows the rules of grammar and the conventions of "proper" writing, and applies them. A writer who has reached this level can write clearly and communicate well, but without genius. Their writing, on the whole, will not have that spark of talent which sets apart a really good writer from a merely literate one.

The third stage is when you know the rules so well you can start breaking them, in ways which make your writing MORE functional and beautiful instead of LESS. My teacher said this is the level every writer should aim for, but years of grading appalling essays have made her wish it was illegal to try it until you have mastered writing well in a purely conventional sense. Heh.