I just finished watching an hourlong special that will be broadcast tomorrow night on A&E. It's called "American Justice: Vanished," and is about the disappearance of two women, 13 years apart.

I suppose it grips me partly because they were females, and I'm female. But what really hits home is the fact that these women lived not far from where I now live and work. They drove some of the same roads I drive, and they saw some of the same sights I've seen. I'm not scared that something similar will happen to me -- they led different lifestyles than the one I lead -- but I guess it makes the idea more real.

And it also makes me realize just where my job could lead. The stories of their disappearances, and the court trials that came in 1999, got intense press coverage, and reporters from local media sources drove two hours to the courthouse in which the trial was moved. I can read all about the case in our computerized newspaper archive at work, and I can talk to the reporter who covered the case, as he still works there. The reporter for a nearby larger paper also still works there, and she and I are now covering the same stories.

Where am I leading in this rambling forum post? I suppose I've realized that I'm playing in the big leagues now. I'm no longer writing about car accidents and anthrax scares on a college campus. I'm writing about murders and murderers, about people whose lives have forever been changed. Coupled with that realization is the fact that I'm covering a case that's going to become just as big as the one that warranted an hour of national television coverage. And that is what scares me.

So I suppose I'm feeling a combination of self-pity mixed with pain for the families of at least two women. Years later, those families still don't have the true closure they deserve.

What a very strange world we live in.

Ellmyruh