Re: Melanie
Lirelyn, on host 12.78.180.39
Saturday, August 17, 2002, at 09:48:23
Melanie posted by Teenage Angst in the 21st Century on Friday, August 16, 2002, at 18:59:43:
Sounds like you're like me... I absolutely flip out whenever I have to make a decision or deal with a situation that I think will alter the rest of my life. But in the last few years, I have gained some perspective, and this is what I've found: Not having problems is really not a viable goal. There will always be problems. There will be problems caused through no fault of your own by people you know and love. (Like, perhaps, your mom with the leaky ceiling. Or my dad, with the three successive "great bargain" cars he's bought me that have cost huge amounts in repairs and headaches.) And there will be problems that, despite your best efforts, you cause yourself. I promise you that. No books, no following of even the wisest advice, no heartfelt desire to live as best you can, will save you from that. That's the bad news.
The good news is, you can live quite a wonderful life, even full of problems. And I'm not just saying that in the long-term, "someday you'll look back and realize how unimportant these things were" way. Your attitude to the problems you have makes all the difference.
Your message struck a note with me because I have spent the last few weeks dealing with the consequences of some mistakes I made in my first year at college. Most of them had to do with how I relate to people. The short of it is, that I ended up wounding three people (two old friends, one new), weakening other relationships with new friends, and, I think, slightly damaging my reputation at school. And this from someone who has always prided herself on being a great, compassionate, people person!
But here's the thing: it's okay. Sure, I've got some stuff to work through. I have some very long apologies to make, and some of my relationships will be a little strained when I go back to school (in less than a week.) But this is life. I used to work so hard to not make mistakes in the things that were most important to me, and here I was making a huge one. And, surprise, surprise, life goes on. It even goes on happily. I have some wonderful friends, who are willing to accept me as the imperfect human being I am. Parts of my social scene may be a little bumpy as I go back to school, but then as I think about it, when is it not?
What I'm trying to say is, the worst times in my life, in terms of stress and worry and general unpleasantness, have been the times I was hell-bent on not making any mistakes. After the mistakes have been made and acknowledged, I find to my surprise that the sun still rises, and I can still be a happy, productive member of society.
Okay. This is all big and philosophical, but it probably doesn't do a thing for your immediate worries. As far as being on your own and taking care of yourself goes... relax. Very few people in your class will really know how to deal with being on their own. Most of them are coming from more or less the same place you are. Nobody expects you to know exactly how much money you need for course books ($750 sounds quite reasonable to me), and EVERYBODY brings too much stuff to school their first year. These are things you can laugh about, or stress about, together with all the other people who are doing the same first-time-at-school thing. Nothing brings people together like common difficulties.
As for what college is really like... as Grishny said, that depends hugely on what kind of college you go to. I am at a very small liberal arts school, and my experience will be vastly different from yours if you're going to a big state school. But I think I can safely say that some of the people will be nice, and some won't. Classes might be easier or harder than you expected, but most likely none of them will be more than you can handle. And as for roommates... I didn't like my roommate for the first month and a half of school. Not a huge deal, but our styles clashed and I figured I'd get a different roommate for the next year. Then something happened, we started talking about difficulties we were having at school, and suddenly we're best friends. Having someone right there with you to share all the weirdness and uncertainty of being in a new situation can be wonderful. It's all about the attitude... if you are willing to compromise a little (living with someone new takes flexibility, no matter what), usually you can have at least a tolerable living situation. And if you do get a truly awful person, you can usually arrange to change rooms. My advice, though, is to start off by thinking of your roommate as an ally-- someone who's experiencing many of the same things you are (even if your personalities and backgrounds are very different.)
Wow, this has gone on a long time. Basically, I think you will find that there are many kinds of people at school. Some will be easygoing, and some will be as worried as you are, and some will spend most of their time in bed drunk or stoned, and some will be workaholics... and you don't need to try to be a specific kind of person (unprepared, too prepared, whatever.) Generally speaking, college students are much more willing to live and let live than high school students. People, overall, will be anxious to find friends, and they'll be very ready to like you if you like them. And it will probably take you a while to figure out the system, but it will take everybody else a while too. Nobody expects you to have it all together just yet. You will find your way in time-- and sooner than you think.
Okay. I hope this helps. Good luck!
Lirelyn
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