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Re: What would you do?
Posted By: Ellmyruh, on host 12.246.62.34
Date: Tuesday, March 12, 2002, at 21:38:12
In Reply To: What would you do? posted by Joanna on Tuesday, March 12, 2002, at 10:08:00:

> I am about to pull all my hair out!! My 12 year old son has really been floundering this school year. He has lied about homework, doesn't finish his class work, and never studies for any test unless I make him. Way too much has happened to post all of it , but in a nut shell he just doesn't seem to care.
>
>He just will not try unless he is pushed, pulled, or dragged every step of the way.

I'm not a parent and there have already been some good responses, but I'll throw in another suggestion. Aside from looking into chemical imbalances (which is probably a very good idea), it sounds like he doesn't see a reason to do well, or to even try. Every person is different, but I know that I'll certainly put more time and effort into something that interests me, or will at least yield positive results. Basically, your son needs to have a reason to want to do his homework, and it's probably going to be bigger than being able to play a video game if he gets all the homework done.

So here's my suggestion: Give him the big picture. Find something that he DOES like to do, and see if that can tie in with the other, more mundane tasks he must do. If he likes playing video games, maybe he'll want to know the mechanics of how they work, and the equipment that powers them. If he likes to draw, maybe he'll want to know more about other artists, and other types of artwork. If he likes playing baseball, maybe he'd like learning about famous ball players, or how far baseball has advanced with modern technology.

Focus on something that holds his attention for a little longer than the average task, and see if you can't make his homework tie in with it. Sure, homework is boring and sometimes dreadfully evil, but it's tolerable if you can see some sort of purpose to it. His answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up?" might be, "I dunno," but that's ok. The field is wide open, and if he's not sure about goals that extend beyond tomorrow, that's not necessarily bad. It just makes the field even more broad.

Hang in there, and know that a lot of people around here are more than willing to listen, even if they really can't DO anything. Don't forget about you in all of this, because you don't want to run yourself into the ground and wind up having no far-reaching goals of your own. See if there are any parent support groups nearby, because they'll reassure you that you're not the only one facing such things.

Oh, and one more thing: 12 and 13 are rough ages for most kids, I think. My family was going through a lot of turmoil when I was that age, and I would sometimes go for a whole school day without speaking. (And those who know me would find that hard to believe, I think.) But I did survive, and I think I'm all the stronger for it.

Ellmyruh

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