This afternoon, we gave Lady to a Humane Society, in the hopes that she would
soon find another happy home. For those who are not aware, Lady was our
cocker spaniel, nearly ten months old. I love her and will miss her
greatly. As I write this, it is hard to retain my composure, although it's
a walk in the park compared to retaining my composure while filling out the
paperwork and handing over the leash. At the same time, there is a sort
of peace amidst the anxiety, or at least I keep telling myself there is, and
I expect one day, perhaps even soon, it'll be more tangibly present.

Lady is a great dog who was unfortunately born as a member of a wound up,
snippy breed. She is, I think, one of the most adorable and attractive dogs
in the world, even by cocker spaniel standards. We were not prepared
for a cocker spaniel. I once had three border collies, which, while
fantastic working dogs, are as or more difficult to raise as pets, and so,
along with my abiding love for dogs in general, I mistakenly thought we could
handle a cocker spaniel. I was wrong. Over the past months, in spite of
careful training and adherence to the advice of dog training literature, Lady
developed a high-strung sort of sudden irritability that would manifest itself
in the form of growling, teeth baring, and outright biting. She eventually
had to be muzzled to be groomed and bathed. Most of the time she's fine, and
she's not aggressive without cause, with strangers, or when she's permitted to
roam freely. But nonetheless, snapping at us when we try to groom her, or
when we hold her and she's wound up about something she wants to go see or do,
is one of the few dog problems we can't put up with. I'm sure we made mistakes
with her. But I also think we met the challenge of raising her as well as
anyone could reasonably be expected to. I don't think the problem is her
fault. I don't think it's ours. It's just one of those unfortunate,
sorrowful things that sometimes happen. Her fault or not, we still have kids
on both sides of our family that we visit frequently. We can't have a dog
around that might suddenly decide to bite them. And yet, from what I've seen,
Lady appears to be one of the most well mannered cocker spaniels around. That
gives me hope that there is a family out there who can better cope with her
issues.

What kills me is that 99% of the time, her disposition is one of unbridled joy
and contentedness. She loves being with people, she loves running about, and
she loves playing with her toys. When you do something that looks the least
bit interesting, such as scratch your head or yawn, she sits up straight and
looks at you intently, eagerly, alertly, enthusiastically, with 110%
attention, the whole of her being wrapped up in observing your next move.
She continually finds joy in the most common niceties life has to offer -- an
amazing, admirable quality most humans regrettably do not possess. I hope
that it serves her well in bringing her through the rest of her years in
happiness.

Because of her youth, cuteness, and friendliness, the people at the humane
society figured she'd be adopted within a week, which was a relief to hear.
I don't think I could bring myself to leave them an older dog that wouldn't
really have any chance at all.

After all the paperwork was filled out, and her food and toys left, that was
it, and I found myself walking back to the car without having had a good
chance to say goodbye. I sat in the car for a while, then walked back in.
They brought her back out, and I took her for one last run through the field
around the place. I hugged her and pet her and did one last run-through of
the commands we taught her. She obeyed enthusiastically, wagging her tail and
barely able to contain herself awaiting the praise I gave her for coming when
called and sitting right at my feet. Hugging her, though, she seemed
distracted and more interested in other things, which was how she was when Leen
said goodbye to her at home (Leen would have come with me except she had to
wait for the oil man to arrive). I think it's best that way. No sense in
Lady getting the idea she should be worried and concerned. The transition
is scary enough as it is.

Tonight I'll return home from work, and there won't be a little ball of fur
and energy bounding up the stairs to greet me at the door. I expect I'll get
used to that. Darleen will be there with a hug and a smile. Thank God for
her. I wouldn't have the strength to do what's right without her.