You know, this one keeps coming back to me at odd times, so I guess I need to address it.

Dear Sam,

I've given a lot of thought to this whole "cheeseburger topping" hullaballoo. I have to be honest with you. My initial reaction to the question, "What's the most important cheeseburger topping?" was, in fact, "Cheese." I can, on the other hand, certainly see your point that cheese is not a topping of a cheeseburger, but instead an integral part of it.

Allow me this: I think the ruckus over the question has more to do with the word "important" than with the word "topping." Had you worded the question, "What's your favorite cheeseburger topping?" or even, "If you were only allowed one topping on a cheeseburger, what would it be?" I doubt "cheese" would have been much of a consideration. Compare a cheeseburger, to say, a hot fudge sundae, and ask it the same way: "What's the most important topping on a hot fudge sundae?" Answers might include nuts, whipped cream, cherries, etc. But more importantly, I think you *would* have included hot fudge. Hot fudge is an integral part of a hot fudge sundae, like cheese is of a cheeseburger; take them both away and suddenly you have a sundae (which could be made *any* flavor with the addition of a different sauce (shudder)) and a hamburger. Arguably, hot fudge IS the most important topping on a hot fudge sundae, because without it, it could be a strawberry sundae, a carmel sundae, or, heaven forbid, a pineapple sundae. Without the cheese, your burger's just a burger. Therefore, cheese kind of IS the most important "topping" -- not "ingredient," like ice cream or meat would be, but "topping."

So, like, basically, LAY OFF, okay!????

I'm sure you get my point. No need to eat crow in front of everyone or anything. Or be embarrassed. Or even respond, for that matter. We'll all just put this little incident behind us, okay, punkin?

Love and taco meat,
Mousie