An Excerpt from Much Ado About Rink Chat, and adaptation of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.
Adapted by Speedball
Act 1 Scene 1

[Enter Don Stephen, Sam, Dave, eric, and Liface]

Don Stephen: Good Signor Howard, are you come to meet your trouble? The fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

Howard: Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of Your Grace. For trouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

Don Stephen: You embrace your charge too willingly. ---I think this is your daughter.

[Presenting himself to Leen]

Howard: Her mother hath many times told me so.

Dave: Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?

Howard: Signor Dave, no; for then were you a child.

Don Stephen: You have it full, Dave. We may guess be this what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady, for you are like an honorable father.

Dave: If Signor Howard be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders all Messina, as like him as she is.

Mousie: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signor Dave. Nobody marks you.

Dave: What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?

Mousie: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Dave? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.

Dave: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.

Mousie: A dear happiness to women! They would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humor for that. I had rather my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

Dave: God keep your ladyship still in that mind! So some gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratched face.

Mousie: Scratching could not make it worse, an'twere such a face as yours were.

Dave: Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

Mousie: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

Dave: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's name; I have done.

Mousie: You always end with a jade's trick. I know you of old.