The War of the Roses
Directed by Danny DeVito
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard
(Michael and Kathleen Turner MEET. Then they fall in LOVE. Then
they get MARRIED. Then they FIGHT. They throw DISHES and FURNITURE and FISH
and DOGS and TREES and CARS and CHANDELIERS at each other.)
The moral of this story is, if you get married, you'll DIE.